Beerings, Oregon Style In my continuing quest to rediscover the god-fearing American slumbering within [ed. note: this could be a feature of jetlag, as my internal body timings are still running haywire; see the time of this post], I've expanded my search from the reddest of red state America to the land of the blues: the Great Northwest. I'll be here in Oregon and Washington for the next couple of weeks. I won't immerse myself in bitter partisan rankling, or make any value judgments regarding Red vs. Blue, except to say this: the beer is so much better up here. How my heartland compatriots could ever swear brand allegiance to the vile libations Budweiser, Miller, Coors, etc. with their endless meaningless variants, or continue to take sitting down the Big Brewer con game perpetrated upon them all these years is perhaps the saddest, clearest testimony I've seen yet about the state of the nation. And to my dear Indian friends, all I can say is that Indian beer made a vodka drinker out of me.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/30/2006 08:15:00 PM| |

 
Home Leave Proof I still exist: Return of the Prodigal Son Today is my first official day of home leave. This is a unique treatment of the State Department by which I will become an American again. The idea behind it is that two years in a foreign country and my sense of nationality and self-identity have become clouded and obscure. There is a tangible fear that perhaps I went ‘native’. Sadly, it is true. When my dear mother prepared me a traditional southern US breakfast of scrambled eggs, grits and toast on Sunday morning, I angrily flung these to the floor and demanded idlis, dosa, pongal and sambar. And that donut-looking thing. After this, she timidly approached with bacon; like the good veg Brahmin I have become, I shrieked in horror. I fled upstairs and haven’t ventured down since. I’ve draped myself in a lungi and am trembling in revulsion, cowering in a corner. But there is hope. Since I left this Texas hill country burg almost three years ago, they now have digital satellite tv which includes music channels. And broadband Internet: cheap monthly flat fee for unlimited bandwidth and it is reliable. Take that Tata Indicom. I’ve taken it upon myself to down a 12-pack of diet mountain dew per day and listen to the satellite’s alternative music station. From today I’ll slowly begin a daily diet of AM talk radio. I’ll be taking it easy at first: Jim Rome, then Phil Hendrie. After a couple of weeks, I may finally be ready for the wingnut programs. If this doesn’t work, I’ll make my escape. I’ll head for the Iselin, New Jersey area. I have some seniors there studying at Fairleigh Dickinson U who can put me up until my H1-B job at Vorionsoft.com comes through. This home leave thing is fascinating. On an overseas tour we earn about 13 days per year, so for my two-year tour I have approximately 26 days. It is mandatory that we take it sometime before our next tour and it must be within the US and its territories. This is on top of my normal annual leave, mind you, and I still receive salary. I’ll try to make the most of it, because all kidding aside, I have grown out of touch. I recognize none of the TV shows, or the latest popular bands. In the local newspapers I read commentary and letters to the editor and am amazed/dismayed how insular people seem to be. When I walked through Chicago’s O’Hare airport the other day, in the hat you see in the photo above, I got a lot of strange, even hostile, looks. If the government is really concerned its returning diplomats are not Americans anymore, I think it should call for more desperate action: mandatory two-week cures at Branson, Missouri. After that, if I’m lucky I’ll be as American as Yakov Smirnoff, Shoji Tabuchi, or the Acrobats of China.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/27/2006 04:30:00 PM| |

 
Saying Goodbye I’ve written before about how this career means moving around every few years. In that post, I examined how that fact affects relationships one has with fellow US colleagues. In the final analysis, while parting from colleagues can oftentimes be difficult, it is likely we will meet again somewhere down the line, because our fraternity is not a large one. It’s an entirely different matter with locally hired staff. A US embassy or consulate normally hires many local nationals because US officers alone couldn’t begin to do all the work required of a mission. When new Foreign Service officers undergo initial training, the instructors constantly drill this fact into their heads. They emphasize that while we will only be at post a couple of years, local staff remain years, even decades. Locals understand how everything works in the country, they are familiar with the languages and customs, and believe it or not, they often know US regulations far better than we do. We ignore their experience at our own peril. Chennai is no exception, and we are dependent upon our Indian colleagues in many ways. In fact, the consulate simply couldn’t function without them. Given that their contributions are so important, it is no wonder that the relationships we have with our local hires, or Foreign Service Nationals (FSNs), can become very close. This especially holds true for new officers, many of whom find themselves in a supervisory role over people with far more job knowledge and experience. For instance, a little more than a year after I arrived at post, I moved into American Citizen Services as Acting Chief in order to fill a staffing gap. Luckily, the section has two remarkable FSNs, one with several years there. It was somewhat overwhelming at first, but having such an exceptionally competent colleague was a huge load off my mind. I owe her an enormous debt, as she helped me become a better officer, and I learned much from both of them. During my going away remarks the other day, I only half-jokingly thanked that senior FSN for allowing me to hang out there while she ran the section. Unlike my US colleagues, it is unclear when I will see the consulate FSNs again, much less work with them. That is why it was so incredibly difficult to look them in the eye and say ‘goodbye’. I am very fortunate indeed to have worked with such a genuinely good group of people at US Consulate Chennai, and I only wish I was in a better position to demonstrate just how much I admire them. I often felt they did not get their just due, which is unfortunate as they are truly the ones who keep that boat afloat.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/27/2006 12:25:00 AM| |

 
Exit Gate 3 I'm back where it all began: Chennai International Airport. I don't board for another hour, but have already cleared immigration. I'm in no man's land. My final day in Madras was a roller coaster. I didn't sleep a wink last night and have been awake since 0430 from 23 March, with about 24 hours of travel left ahead of me. I'd planned that this post would attempt to sum up my India experience, but I'm too worked up, frazzled and knackered all at once, and nothing I wrote would make much sense. It's probably a wise idea to sleep on it and try again after I get home. Until then... UPDATE: Made it back safe and sound to my parents' house near San Antonio, Texas. I walked through the front door 25 March 0830 MST (Madras Standard Time). I left my house in Madras at 2300 on 23 March, so all in all it took well over 30 hours to go halfway around the world. I wonder how long it took the first US Consul General to Madras, one Lumisden Strange (yes, his real name) to make the same trip in the mid 19th century?
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/24/2006 03:15:00 AM| |

 
I'm somewhere deep in the Muslim quarter of Chennai, over by the mosque that lies off Cathedral Road. I wound up here more by accident than anything else: it's the first Internet shack I ran across. They closed the I-way that was near my house. Rumor has it that a 'won't someone think of the children?' busy-body bureaucrat decided the kids are spending too much time playing network games, so there's a campaign afoot to shut these places down. Chennai readers: is this true? These are exactly the water cooler dictator types that give us government workers a bad name. I saw their brilliance at work yet again last night when Dublin closed right on time at 2330. Actually, that one I didn't mind so much, because they've had a horrid DJ the last couple of times I've been there. So I'm all packed out, except for my UAB (unaccompanied air baggage) which they will collect Monday. My schedule is crammed these last few days trying to say my farewells. If I've missed any of you, please email me. I'll be in the office from Tuesday, will be able to check messages, and hopefully we can work something out.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/18/2006 05:10:00 PM| |

 
PR Unplugged This will likely be my last post from home. The movers have come. They have scheduled three days to pack out my effects, and the computer goes tomorrow. When the movers start breaking out the duct tape and bubble wrap, that’s when you really know you’re short. Before then it’s more of an abstract date in the near future, nice to wave around and lord it over your mates, but not much more than that. The funny thing is that I am not 100% sure what is ours and what belongs to the consulate. Spicygirl took care of all that. I’ve already had to call her twice today (she’s in Hong Kong for those of you who don’t know). The place is a god-awful mess: Of course I could never leave this guy behind: Stampy all scrubbed up and ready to ship out! While cleaning him up today, I discovered he had at least two lizards using him as a home. That’s what he gets for being hollow. Wondering where they crawled inside? Use your imagination. Moving sucks. Could somebody bring me cold beerings? This isn't the end, so don't tune out just yet. I still plan to update from the internet cafe or a friend's place. Also keep a lookout for Vice Consul. He's left the Big Show up in Delhi and is doing an exchange with us in Chennai for a couple of weeks. Should be interesting to read his takes on our the gig down here.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/14/2006 04:20:00 PM| |

 
Adventures in Indian English Now that my departure time is getting really close, I’m starting to get the ‘what will you miss most about India?’ kinds of questions. A question that loaded is impossible to answer in a blog entry, but if I had to narrow it to one thing, it would come down to language. To me, one of the most fascinating aspects of living in India is the English they use here. My last post touched on that, too: ‘Jive Mango Joozy’ is a brilliantly alliterative linguistic creation. It is impossible to live in this place for two years and not have it seep into your brain on some level. I’ve always been keen on language in general and dialectology in particular, and so it is natural that I’ve become a huge fan of Indian English. When I first arrived, it sounded odd, quaint, vaguely old-fashioned, and it took me a while to grow accustomed to the syllabic stresses and intonations used by Indian speakers, but now they have become second nature. More than that, Indian English has palpably affected the way I use my native tongue. I literally have to actively edit my overseas correspondence now, because invariably I will discover myself imploring someone back home to ‘kindly do the needful’. And it’s not just written usage either. Use of ‘Sir’ and ‘madam’ at the conclusion of every sentence has become almost automatic. This is just a guess, but I would hazard that its ubiquitous use is primarily a feature of South Indian English. On my recent trip north, I heard it used with far less frequency. The peculiar use of ‘only’ in Indian English is now a feature of my own output, as in: ‘I have been in Madras from 2004 only’. And I catch myself asking visa applicants things like: “How many children are you having in the US?” They’ll respond with something like: “I am having one daughter only”. In American English, this would carry an entirely different connotation. I will ask “When did your spouse ‘expire’?” to a widow/widower. If I don’t understand a person, the first thing that comes out of my mouth now is ‘I did not get you, sir’. Or if someone has a wrong impression from something I said or did: ‘Not like that, madam’. But my favorite example of Indian English is the word ‘timings’. I first remember seeing it at all the restaurants and shops in town, as in Timings 12:00pm-11:00pm. They also use it for plane/train/bus departures. I like to play around with language and I just loved this word, so one day I sent out an email (or SMS) to my American colleagues asking if anyone would be interested in going out for ‘beerings’ after work. It quickly became a great game with us, and we soon spoke not only of ‘beerings’, but ‘lunchings’, ‘snackings’, ‘soupings’, ‘chippings’ ‘tea-ings’, and many others. I thought this was just all in humorous exaggeration, but then I saw this billboard the other day off Cathedral Road: Shirtings?!? Looks like I may be on to something. Now that I think of it, I once saw the word ‘transportings’ painted on a delivery truck. You should see my Word document now: every Indian English phrase I have used in this post has either the red spell check or green grammar check underline beneath it. I’ve issued scores of visas to Indian programmers going to work at Microsoft in the US. They better get these bugs taken care of soon, because there is nothing ungrammatical or otherwise regarding our Indian English!
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/11/2006 07:45:00 PM| |

 
I Cant’ Believe They Invented It! Here's the latest in my series of strange products you could only find in India. Say what you will about the evils of colonialism, the English language is far the more colorful for it. Distributed to all passengers on the February 20 Mysore-Chennai Express: Check out what it says by the strawhole: Amen! Deliciously natural? Well, with only 12% juice, they can't be referring to the mangos. Maybe they mean the added water, sugar or citric acid. And don’t forget the fine print: Contains Added Flavour. In case you’re dying to try it, the good folks at Nadukkara Agro Processing Co. Ltd. manufacture and package this classic beverage. You can find them in Avoly, Muvattupuzha 686677 Kerala.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/06/2006 11:55:00 PM| |

 
Fun With Chinese I am a bad boy. I recently played a practical joke on Spicygirl. While China has many dialects and many, many more regional variations and accents, when it comes to Mandarin most people generally describe the accent of a person as either being northern or southern. The northern accent has come to represent the standard expected of a reasonably educated person, kind of like BBC English in the UK, or California English for the US. The most immediate, obvious difference between northern and southern Mandarin is that northerners retain the retroflex, or juǎnshéyīn 卷舌音. Southerners leave it out as a rule, and some have a very difficult time with it. For example, the retroflex sounds zhi, chi, and shi come out as zi, ci, si (these latter sounds also exist in standard Mandarin). Even those that can pronounce the retroflex properly often don’t know when they should. This leads them to hypercorrection [thanks to John P. for pointing out this linguistic term], and they’ll use it when they should not. When I lived in Taiwan, I remember people pronouncing the word for ‘umbrella’, yǔsǎn 雨伞, as yushan* . When these people are around Westerners who speak Chinese, all hell can break loose, because they want to speak very standard Mandarin for the benefit of the foreigner lǎowài 老外, so they’ll add a retroflex to almost every other sound. This can lead to some hilarious results. Anyway, Spicygirl is certainly not one of those people, and while her Mandarin is quite standard, she does have somewhat of a southern accent, being from China’s southwest Sichuan province. I like to tease her about it, and what follows is the tail end of a recent chat we had. She wanted to sign off, but I wanted her to stay, and so I asked her not to go. The word for ‘go’ in Chinese is zǒu 走, but when I typed the Pinyin I used zhou*. By the end of this exchange, I really had her second-guessing herself! She admitted it later. So here's our chat: ‘Laogong’ is me; that is a Chinese term of endearment for husband, like ‘hubby’; oddly enough, it can also mean ‘eunuch’. Hmmm… Melissa is Spicygirl’s English name. laogong says: 别走 laogong says: bie zhou melissa says: 走zou melissa says: I was right melissa says: what were you laugh at? laogong says: 走zhou melissa says: zou laogong says: zhou laogong says: ZHOU melissa says: try to type it in Chinese, see what Pinyin you use laogong says: ZHOU laogong says: 走zhou没错 melissa says: It's zou in my program if I want to type 走 laogong says: it adapted to your southern accent melissa says: are you sure? laogong says: positive melissa says: maybe the programmer is a southerner melissa says: weird melissa says: check your dictionary laogong says: can’t; I packed it already laogong says: that is his 川普* laogong says: Z-H-O-U laogong says: 走 melissa says: ZOU, even my cell phone text message is ZOU laogong says: another southerner melissa says: no way, you must be wrong melissa says: check your dictionary laogong says: a can't 卷舌southerner must have coded it melissa says: serious? laogong says: oh yes, who has a master's in Chinese? *note: chuanpu: this means Sichuanese-accented Mandarin (chuan for Sichuan, pu for pǔtōnghuà): slightly pejorative, it makes fun of a Sichuanese accent when they try to speak standard Mandarin; it can also be used the other way. When I try to speak Sichuanese, for example, it sounds funny because it is heavily Mandarin influenced, so I can say it is pǔchuān 普川. 上面的对话挺好玩的吧? 学汉语的外国人也会遇到很多问题. 对西方人学口语来讲,我相信多半会说最困难的方面就是声调. 我学了不少年的汉语,一直认为我很早就把握中文里的声调.也许是因为我在台湾开始学中文的,所以从来没有什么四声问题. 但是,几天前,发现我一贯犯了一个很明显错误.希望读者之中的中国人或会中文的外国人能帮个忙. 将军这个词,我一直把它发音为jiàngjūn.有一天随便翻了词典,翻到将军,才发现该把它说为jiāngjūn. 奇怪,第四声的将意思就是军衔名,怎么加一个军字它就变成第一声?不知道我已说了多少年的jiàngjūn了.有谁能够解释原因吗? 恐怕现在不容易改为正确的呢!
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/04/2006 03:00:00 PM| |

 
A dubious distinction: Today I completed visa interview number 30,000. Just in the nick of time, too. My body is finally breaking down. I now have sharp, stabbing searing pain in my right hand and wrist, the classic symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome onset, brought about by 22 months of the repetitive movements peculiar to that strange, elusive creature known as the visa monkey. It came out of the blue today, with no advance warning. My just deserts? Perhaps. But one would hope with all the revenue our operations bring, they would at least spring for some decent ergonomic equipment. And while I'm composing a wish list, would it kill them to get us serviceable microphones? My other personal best at this post, and still unequalled, set back in May 2005: a one-day high of 218 interviews in the post-biometric era. And for the record, I did my own fingerprints and took on all comers, meaning cases of all types. I don't want to hear anything from you guys at other high volume posts. It's apples and oranges. You don't want to walk in our shoes. Trust me.
- posted by Prince Roy @ 3/01/2006 01:15:00 AM| |